When u Wake up & realize that your own mother does’nt really love u, it’s very hard, love of a mother implies love for better or for worse. The dad that did not give me love & tenderness without sex. If u never lived this u cannot judge, GOD knows what happened to me, most men will abuse a person like me, cause unconsciously had no decision on it. Consciously never agressed sexually any child especially my 3 girls and looked very closely to never leave them in the hand’s of pédophiles. I was so dedicated to make my chlidren happy, it was all I could think, they where children lended to me, a lease with god. He can never tell me that I did wrong, never….
They where nurtured, taken care of, fead good food, washed, clothed, and spiritually taken to Church every sunday, are almost. I use to walk with them and stop at the statue of Jesus in ste rose in front of the Church and pray silently for GOD’S love and protection for them. They have good memories I guess, but they will never know what i did for them because they where to Young to rememeber, but their soul remember’s, the unconscious mind knows everything. I have never ever mistreated any child in my life. I held baby’s in my harm like they where precious and could breack in my hands.
My children where almost never sick just like me, i guess I knew how to lead a life in health. One day I will write a story on how to take care of children but not just the physical part, the spiritual part also. I love them with all my heart, and I miss having to take care of a baby, if I have another baby, it would be different, he would be taken care off better, because I have dealt with a lot of issues of my childhood.
I followed one of the 10 commandments with great care and discernment with my physical father and mother, I took care of my father for a couple of years before he passed away and I took care of my mother after she had a stroke for 8 years. Every little détails where taken care off for her wellfare. I gave my time for her to make sure she was well taken care off, because people abuse elderly without any remorse, I have no remorse at all. Just happyness in my heart to have loved them the way I did. I miss them both, if we could start all over again, it would be nice, to change the story.
When I think of my childrens, I have so mutch love Inside my heart, I love them the way they are, not perfect, but they struggle like everybody, I sacrificed my life for them, I stayed alone for so many years after separated, I worked and took care of them with lot’s of dedication and love.
If someone would have tried to hurt them, they would be probably handicaped or dead. I am who I am, figure that one out.
I had 2 men in my life while taken care of my children alone, Fred and Dan-Bois, the artist, the sculpter, the man had 2 daughters that he could never see, cause he was an addict to pot, the mother pushed him away and he was fucked up, he never did anything to my daughters, he paid for restaurants for my daughters and would eat with us, he was very nice to my daughters, I left my daughters with him once, I had to go take care of something for him and I left him at home with a friend male. If I did this it’s because I knew in my heart that he loved children, he spent his life making children happy, with is wooden rocking horses,his wooden toys, he had a wooden rocking horse about 12 feets high on a trailer that he would drive around to party’s or events thruout Laval and other towns, He fabricated a »Christmas Village » at the premises of »Sculptures Dan-Bois » in ste rose, with animated toys and personnages, the premises was filled 1/4 of the space, people would come from far away to see this. My children had the chance to see this arrangment. I left him because he was an addict that did not get the help he needed,
Fred came into my life and was the most wonderfull man to my children, he said to me once that he would have loved to have a child like Alex, he took care of her with great discerment and care and played with them, especially valery, whom remembers, the role of a man is to amuze his children and play with them, like my father used to do with me and my brother, play, my father used to play with us by pretending to wrestle with us. Fred would play ball and carry them around the house on his shoulders, he would take care of them when I had to go to the reunions of Maison Latourelle at night. He would sit in the porch of their bedroom, because they where little devils when I was not there, usually they would sleep and never to this to me, but with him they would not leave him alone, he was very patient. What a good father he would have been, cause to this date, we are not sure that he does’nt have a daughter, we think he has a daughter somewhere but she is living with the mother, you never separate a mother from his children’s, not for any money in the world. The court judge should be teached this, because you can be sure that the child will be fucked up or will always experience emotionnals problem thuout his entire life. The judge that took away my Alex from me, because I was alone and did not earn enough money to take care of her, should be hanged, My alex is a fucked up kid. I will never forgive this to his physical father. I hurt still now and for the last 18 years. The damage is done. She calls me »MAMAN CHERIE », SHE CAME TO AA meetings with me and could not understand the language, I was trying to tell her that she must learn English. Why does this society being so »bornée », Learning a language is a plus to be able to communicate with a greater amount of human beings in a life time. If I could learn all the different dialecs, I could communicate my love to all !
KEL-LANGUAGE-DU-COEUR !
2016, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
ps: picture above was made by ALEX with the help of Valery her sister, what is written on this ceramic comes from the heart of ALEX. I would have named her »ALEXY » like my 2 other daughters »JESSY »VALERY »= KELLY
Pensée magique, réalité et KELPAIX 